i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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