I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
