Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
