If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
