Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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