Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
