I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
