At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
