there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
