Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
