i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
