There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
