I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
