he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
