Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
