I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
