someone owes me an orgasm
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
