i just google imaged poop.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
