there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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