Nicole vs. Life
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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