cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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