New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
