i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
