whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
