I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
