I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
