youre lurking in front of me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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