Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
