I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
