I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
