He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
