I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
