just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its not stalking. its research.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
