she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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