apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will be naked everywhere
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
