Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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