If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
