She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
