she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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