omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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