is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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