college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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