how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
