mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
