Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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