you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
