I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.