I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
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The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
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accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am available for nakedness
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...