Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
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Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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