You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
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My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?