you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.