i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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