i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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