She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
