i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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