I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
nutella sex= disaster
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
