About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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