Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
