Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
