I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm having to shit out rocks
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