We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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