What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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