Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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