And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
did you just send me my own nude
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
