YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
