Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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