made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
