Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
