I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
