Can Purell be used as lube?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
