I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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